Dessert Landscape

The Vermont Country Store – God, when I die, can you make this my heaven?

I’ve always been a sucker (heh) for candy.  As a kid, happiness was finding myself in a bulk food store with a bag in my hand and candy barrels as far as the eye could see.  I could not understand why adults didn’t 1. spend every last penny they made on candy (food, housing, and clothes be damned!) and 2. make cookie batter and just eat it.

If you’re looking for old-timey candy like Squirrel Nut Zippers, Walnettos, and Cream Filberts, or other confections like malt balls, giant lollipops, and fudge, The Vermont Country Store is the place to go:

The peanut candies: so peanuty, crunchy, and sweet.  The malt balls: crunchy and malty, the best flavor is the chocolate peanut butter.  The Vermont Cookie Buttons: be they Purely Maple, Double Vanilla, Zesty Lemon or whatever, are bite-sized, crunchy goodness.  And a newby on my most recent visit (can you tell I’ve been here about a billion times?): a maple-flavored cheesecake mix which I had a sample of.  Oh my, such sweet heaven.

What is up, though, with the old-timey (and very European) penchant for black-licorice-flavored things?  And is there anything more vile-sounding than Double Salt Licorice from Holland (where else)?  Those are in the running with British Licorice-All-Sorts for being the worst sweets on the planet.  I choose to ignore their very existence.

I was curious about the Cherry Mash, “an American favorite since 1918.”  It was pretty terrible, actually.  The nutty chocolate exterior was cheap and flavorless, and the cherry interior was cloying and fake-tasting.  It’s made with maraschino cherries, which I usually like, but this just tasted like cough medicine surrounded in crunchy wax.  I shudder just thinking about it now; it is my version of ipecac.  There is a “recipe” on the back of the wrapper for a Cherry Mash Milkshake—no thank you to that!

Are you surprised that they have fudge here, too?  Of course not!  We all know what kinds of places have fudge, and that when you find yourself in a particularly quaint little town that doesn’t seem to have much going on, they will have fudge.  I call them “Fudge Towns.”  TVCS’s fudge is deelish.  The best is their Penuche flavor, which is made from brown sugar rather than white, so it’s like super-powered fudge.

There’s a sign up that says, “Kids, count your own candy and let us know how much you owe.”  What a strong incentive to do some math!  Most of the candies have different prices, so they have to keep track.  There’s a video on TVCS’s website where the owner, Lyman Orton, describes the occasional kid who’ll bring a giant bag of candy up to the cashier with, like, 75¢ written on it.  The cashier lowers her glasses, teacher-style, and gives the kid the stink-eye.  So the kid says, “Whoops, maybe I should count that again.”  Oh, the little dickens.

If you go, make sure to go on an empty stomach.  There are abundant samples of sausages, cheeses, dips, and fudge.  My friends and I always get “Vermont County Store Stomach,” which is what happens when you mix bellies full of snacks & sweets with long car rides up and down hills on winding roads.

And they don’t just have food, of course.  You can also find erotic toys for the elderly & sexy lingerie with matching caps there.

The Vermont Country Store
657 Main Street

Weston, VT  05161

802-824-3184

and

1292 Rockingham Road

Rockingham, VT  05101
802-463-2224

or order from the extensive online store:

www.vermontcountrystore.com

1 Comment to The Vermont Country Store – God, when I die, can you make this my heaven?

Leave a comment